Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
