I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
