Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
