I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
