just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
