We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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