good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
