He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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