you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
