We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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