ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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