Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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