we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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