dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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