I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
