loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
