My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
