What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
