Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
