Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wish there were birth control emojis
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Shame - the story of my life.
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