Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
