I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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