Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
