Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
