hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I died a long time ago.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
