carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Houston, we have a blender
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
