it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
