this beer tastes like vomit already
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
