i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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