he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
