he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
