I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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