Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just google imaged poop.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
