well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
