This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
