the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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