ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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