I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
