We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
