I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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