You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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