college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
