At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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