YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
