yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
