i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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