It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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