Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
time to smoke my breakfast
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
