i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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