Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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