All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
