Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
