just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Panties = found
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
