Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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