so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
